Women need spaces that are safe to share their pain, loneliness, fear, and abandonment challenges.

A girlfriend should NOT be a person's first SAFE space/community of choice when experiencing such emotions.

Let’s address the elephant in the room when it comes to girlfriends. I’m all for girl and women empowerment, but I have also been hurt by the same ladies I thought were my girlfriends, besties, ride or die, or sometimes, if you trust them, you give them a sister title. All these connections and friendships are generally because of associations like school, neighborhoods, clubs, or some similarities. All friends shouldn’t be awarded the “I can trust you badge” just because of association or length of time being friends. That badge should come with a way to validate a person’s authenticity and reliability. Validation can still go wrong because people are people, and at the end of the day, you never truly know a person until stuff goes wrong, especially in friendships.

There used to be what I knew of as a code back in the day, where you don’t tell your girls business no matter if the friendship ended. Memes have been floating around on social media that have gone viral because many women have experienced the friend-girl code breakers at least once in their life. So is the code gone, or was there ever really a code? Do we assume the girl code gets renewed each year the friendship remains in tack, or discuss it when a challenge within the friendship arises? Did you, as a woman, ever really have a conversation about this, or did you assume your secrets were safe because she held the friend title in your eyes? I never felt the need to ask or question my so-called friends because I gave them a badge of trust without having a mature mindset to understand what really equated to friendship. Who knows who or what they may have said behind my back, especially when I wouldn't be around all of the people they may begin to associate with once the friendship ends. It’s not always the motive of a girl to do you wrong if the friendship ends but some of them are just miserable and would talk bad about you even if the friendship ended on excellent or seasonal terms, meaning the season has just passed for that particular friendship.

What makes a girl reveal someone's business? In my opinion, it's classless and clearly shows how low one's character is. Disclosing private or sensitive information about someone who trusted you for the sake of pointless pieces of conversation with girls who lack dignity and any kind of femininity is just low.

The problem is that so many friendships have been broken over this, and as a result, women have resorted to isolation when faced with various life challenges. Women don’t know whom to trust anymore, so this causes women to suffer in silence. This is why women need to develop non-bias women healing communities. Unfortunately, in my opinion, girlfriends should not always be a part of this space, and that’s a lesson that is truly learned as we get older.

Have you regretted telling your girl your personal business?

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What is a Women Healing Community? It’s been defined as a healing community support system that most women have identified over time with who they feel is trustworthy or may have their best interest at heart? This healing community can be your partner but not your best friend, coworker, gym partner, etc. Everyone outside of your partner is not your mental health couch support system. Those people only tend to have venting sessions with no real solution or outcome that is not biased towards the situation. Please don’t act like you haven’t said thank you for letting me sit on your couch, knowing you need some expert help. Let’s not also forget how women sometimes need to repeat their hurt over and over again, no matter the audience. That happens because your mind is smart enough to know you haven’t sought a subject matter expert for the challenge you may be dealing with.

It’s time to invest in seeking external help from mental health experts and your journal or even your mirror/shadow work. Put that cost into your self-care budget as a necessary line item like your hair, nails, etc. Understand that healing can't happen in isolation and often needs to be done in a space where you are heard and understood with the ability to have resolutions or actionable items to work on.

After doing some digging, there is an actual term called WHC which is below:

Women Healing Communities (WHC) are safe and supportive spaces for women to be vulnerable, share their stories, and heal from traumatic experiences rooted in feminism and spirituality, meaning that all community members respect each other's power.

Try these steps the next time you face a challenge and want to vent to whomever.

1. Stay positive

2. Reach out to your mental health expert for an emergency session or write your challenge down so you can discuss it with them on your next visit)

3. Get outside and do something physical

4. Evaluate the challenge and where you play a role versus finding fault in the other person. (This creates a life lesson for you)

5. Be patient with yourself.

Queens, it’s time to take the next step in our lives. Become an elevated person by thriving financially, fulfilling your health and wellness goals, and coming into your own as an empowered and high-quality person in mind, body, and soul.

Author: Coach Mo